This memoir was started, stopped and restarted again over the course of years that eventually turned into decades. With each iteration, I found the hard-earned wisdom I had gained along my life's journey helped propel the story to its final manifestation. Along the way, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that it became easier to articulate the multi-layered dynamics within my own consciousness, as well as the largely unsaid dynamics occurring in parallel on the external relational level. 

The initial purpose was to try to make sense of an intensely challenging period of my life. My early adulting years were filled with existential angst, rollercoaster ups and downs, drug-fueled recklessness and everyday wounding from the brutality and unfairness of the world. The pain I felt was magnified  by my struggles with identity as a Eurasian Filipino woman from a working-class background who also happened to be queer and neurodiverse.  

I believe many folks are still suffering through their early adulting years, particularly marginalized individuals. My hope is that my story will resonate and be a source of commiseration. Though my tale dances with nihilism, it is ultimately redemptive and meant to convey that it is possible for things to get better. The very fact that I was able to create this book demonstrates that not only did I make it out--but that it is possible to overcome adversity and build a deep, creatively rich and meaningful life.